Ender’s Shadow

The Unincorporated Man (Ender's Game too, but haven't read the sequels, but I also recommend Ender's Shadow - a parallel novel from a different character's perspective.)

Ender's Game and the "side-quel" Ender's Shadow. Every single time I've reread either I've found some part of the book that resonates precisely with a situation I'm going through in my life. Even parts I thought didn't apply to me at the time, upon rereading struck a chord. For example, when I was younger, I identified with Ender but as I've gotten older, I identify more with the adults in the book. Especially now that I have children. On a side note, the 25th anniversary edition has an introduction that has some gems all of it's own. Notably, there is a line where Card mentions something along the lines of: when I was a child, I never thought of myself as being less of a person than an adult. I just thought of myself as a smaller adult person. That has always stayed with me since I read it and have always tried to apply that mental model of childhood to any interaction I have with children. It has been particularly impactful now that I have my own children.

If you read that one, also read Ender's Shadow which tells the same story from a different characters' perspective and really adds to the out-of-the-box element.

I will add Ender's Shadow, by the same author. It is a parallel novel -- the same story retold from the perspective of a different character (Bean). They are very well integrated: both books stand alone (I read Shadow first), but are not repetitive when read together. I read both books in my childhood, and they have shaped my view of children. Specifically, I think children are mostly just small humans, who appreciate being treated as such. Please note that I do not recommend the later books in each of the series'. Aside, it has always surprised me that someone as homophobic as Orson Scott-Card was able to write those two books, that have strong themes of compassion/understanding for those different than you (intentionally vague here to avoid spoilers).

The best one is Speaker for the Dead. Also, Ender's Shadow attempts to address some of the flaws you mention. I don't think the book justifies pre-emptive war at all: The problem of a potential alien attack is relevant (in an ironic way) b/c many human political decisions are framed by leaders as a choice between action and annihilation. In the original short, that framing is intended to get the reader on board with the rest of the story without extensive justification. In subsequent books, the fictitious society comes to view the decision made to kill the aliens as having been a terrible atrocity.

Anything by Alastair Reynolds - his Revelation Space series is great, and House of Suns is a fantastic one-off. He's probably the closest to Ian Banks in creating galaxy-spanning civilisations across eons of time. Ian MacDonald is another good one. My favourite of his is The Dervish House, but his others are definitely worth reading. Charles Stross is good. Didn't get on with Accelerando, but his Laundry books are a fun mix of HP Lovecraft/Len Deighton/IT Crowd. Halting State and Rule 34 are good explorations of pervasive augmented reality and intelligent algorithms. Also Glasshouse as an exploration of post-singularity society. Never managed to finish a Cory Doctorow book though. I found William Gibson's Bigend trilogy a slog, but I really enjoyed The Peripheral - it's a fun read. Enders Game and Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card are fantastic, but the remaining books suffer from diminishing returns (with the possible exception of Ender's Shadow). There are a lot of books in the series, but basically, the series finishes wherever you get bored reading it. Anything by China Mieville is well worth your time.…

Isaac Asimov's robot series (start with "I, Robot" and "The Caves of Steel") is good, as is his Foundation series. Ender's Game is also good; I've heard other people complain about the other novels in that universe (Speaker for the Dead and sequels, Ender's Shadow and sequels), but I liked them fine. Cryptonomicon is rich, fascinating, and entertaining. Dune is rich and pretty fascinating. Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land" and "Time Enough for Love" are somewhat scandalous, but I thoroughly enjoyed them. Outside science fiction: P.G. Wodehouse's Jeeves and Wooster novels, as well as what of his other books I've read, are hilarious and brilliant; I would suggest "Right Ho, Jeeves" as a starting point.

Ender's Shadow. Most people will tell you their favorite was Ender's Game, but for some reason I've always had a much stronger attachment to Shadow. Maybe it's because I read Shadow first, but more likely it's because I identify with the protagonist Bean more than I do with Ender.

A book that often escapes even cyberpunk fans is John Brunner's "The Shockwave Rider". It was written in 1975 but is eerily prescient - at least I thought so when I read it in the 90's. Of course, I also recommend Gibson's books. And "Ender's Game"/"Ender's Shadow", even though they're not cyberpunk/cyber thrillers.

Enders Game and Enders Shadow by Orson Scott Card. Before the movie comes out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1731141/

Enders game, and then Enders Shadow..

i can't narrow this down to one. some of these are already named: Cryptonomicon, Snow Crash, "The Last Question", Ender's Game/Shadow, Dune, Slaughterhouse 5, Ringworld