Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Perhaps the most important book I've ever read is Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone. It's possible that my life is 10-20% easier since I read it, with zero hyperbole. It's not a breezy quick read, but my favourite sci-fi is always likely to be Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson.

On the surface, it's about how to have conversations about difficult topics. Often these are conflict resolution type conversations. These range all the way from "you never take the bins out" to marriage breakups to large international political conflicts. These conversations can often go off the rails and conflicts are made worse, not solved. Whatever the scale, these kinds of conversations tend to follow familiar routes. If you dispair at the way that conversations tend to devolve into personal attacks in national politics, office politics or your day-to-day interactions, this book is a very insightful handbook. The book is the result of a big study at Harvard Business School of a large number of case studies. It spots the patterns that humans tend toward. In each case it identifies the pattern, why it happens, what the result can be (usually negative) and how to spot it coming and mitigate it. It also has snippets of conversation as case studies.…